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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27948944">immeasurable.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto'>Yui_Miyamoto</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>xxxHoLic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2004-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2004-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:40:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,171</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27948944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What is the equivalency of love in the scales of weighing souls?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ichihara Yuuko/Watanuki Kimihiro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>immeasurable.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Disclaimer: XXXholic isn’t mine, but Kise is.<br/><br/></strong>“You’re the young one and you walk too slow.”<br/><br/>“Clack, clack, clack” went the clogs of the tall raven-haired woman as she walked on the sidewalk.  Her long, black hair swayed behind her.  She wore an almost see-through black top that showed someone a peek of her white-shoulders, but closed again to make a whole sleeve again.  Her jeans, on both sides, laced up all the way to her hips.<br/><br/>As she passed a store window, her head turned towards it so that she could glance at the boy in back of her.  Her “servant”, as he was called.  He was pouting because he didn’t feel like going out for the day, but what could he do with this part-time slaveship- er, “job”?  He could feel spirits just wanting to talk to him and his dreams were not any better, so he wasn’t up to doing anything in general.<br/>The boy with glasses looked at the back of his “employer” and sighed as she averted her glance away from the window to look in front of her once more.  He wondered why the woman was going more and more out of her home.  Were that many people worthy of getting their wishes granted?  And each time she left, he had to be with her.<br/><br/>They had just gotten used to it being that way.<br/>However, the boy thought, “I wanted to get rid of the ghosts and stuff, but then I end up spending all my time here.  With her…”<br/><br/>He sighed again.  He could never win, could he?<br/><br/>“What are you sighing about, Watanuki?” the sharp-eyed woman said with a semi-scolding tone as she stopped for him to keep up with her.  She put her hands on herhips as she looked at him with her eyebrows almost touching.  She couldn’t decide if she was concerned, irritated, or both.<br/>Watanuki replied quickly, “Nothing, Yuuko-san.”<br/><br/>Taking out her right hand from her hip, she leaned forward and gently touched his chin with her index finger. “You know how I hate it when you do that.  Now, speak up. This is unlike you.”<br/>He looked up into her eyes and continued to be unmoved…well, on the outside.  The woman had a strange way of showing her affection.  It was always the opposite of how things ran in society.<br/>As he continued to look at her, the words that wanted to come out couldn’t.  They were just stuck there in his mouth even though his mind couldn’t really find a reason to express how he felt inside.  If this was what people called moody, then that was the best way he could rationalize it inside of his mind. <br/>But his mouth sputtered out, “I don’t feel too good today.  Dreams and spirits are bothering me.”<br/>“Ah, so I see,” she replied while just shaking her head, taking her hand away as well as standing up to resume walking towards their destination.<br/><br/>It was then that the fluster inside of him stopped once more.  If only she wouldn’t touch him that way and everything could’ve been all right.  She confused him that way even though he tried his best not to show it.  It came out as annoyance and irritation.  And so, the woman with the long hair had dubbed him to be short-tempered.<br/><br/>Yes, he was.  But that particular character trait came out more when he was with her.  And it wasn’t that he was really mad or anything. He was just frustrated.  With what?  He couldn’t particularly pinpoint it, but he tried to push away the thoughts that came to him as hints when they reached his consciousness.<br/><br/>“We’re here,” the woman announced as she pointed at the balcony of the apartment they were to go to.  It was on the sixth floor.<br/>Watanuki followed Yuuko to the entrance, and luckily, someone was coming out as they were going in.  They both nodded their thanks to the businessman as they headed for one of the two elevators whose doors were open for them to go through.<br/><br/>Knock, knock, knock.  Yuuko took her fingers away from the white door. <br/>Watanuki looked around with a suspicious, yet uneasy expression on his face, thinking that the complex appeared so nice from the outside, but inside, it looked like an insane asylum with its white walls and long hallways. <br/>“I’m coming!” a muffled voice responded while the clicking of the locks ensued.<br/>Soon, they were both staring at a short girl with layered, chin-length dark brown hair.  She smiled brightly at them while inviting them inside and ushering them to the couch. “Would you like something to drink?  Coffee?  Tea?”<br/>Yuuko smiled politely as she asked for tea since she knew this would take a while and Watanuki took the same.<br/><br/>When the girl served them tea, she sat on a chair across them and took a sip of her cappuccino. They introduced themselves to one another.  Watanuki couldn’t believe that the girl in front of him was older than he was.<br/>When the girl introduced herself, she said, “My name is Kise Shirou.  I know it’s a weird name.”<br/>She laughed as she continued, “My parents couldn’t decide between ‘kiseki’ or ‘kisetsu’, so they just came to a mutual agreement of ‘kise’.  And thank you very much for coming.”<br/>Her hands held onto her cup just a little bit tighter as her smile became a little tainted by bits of sorrow.  She took a deep breath as she put her cup down on the black table between her and her two guests.<br/>Folding her hands as if she were praying, she pointed her head down with an embarrassed face. “I can’t believe I’m asking you for this.”<br/>“Nothing is strange in this business.” Trying to lighten up the mood, Yuuko laughed as she joked, “Try to stump me.”<br/>The girl looked up into the eyes of the one who had been called “The Wish Witch”.  It was an odd name, but that’s what she’d always been told and somehow, she had been able to locate Yuuko through this strange title.  What she found particularly strange was that she who was half named with the meaning of “miracle” had to ask someone else for such a thing to happen.<br/><br/>“I want that.”  The young woman pointed over at a poster on the wall in front of her.<br/>Yuuko and Watanuki both turned their heads at the same time to look at the picture pinned in back of them.<br/>The woman crossed her arms and legs as she stared at the young woman with a slow nodding of her head.  The young man’s eyes gazed at the picture in shock.  He almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of her request.  His eyes blinked just to make sure it was real.<br/><br/>He had seen many things, but maybe the word obsession wasn’t even close to what he was seeing before him and what he was hearing through the silence.  Not wanting to be rude though, he faced the young woman again and just watched her not knowing what to think.<br/><br/>It wasn’t a picture or a painting.  It was a sketch taken from a set of cels for a famous anime series that played on tv a few years ago.  The young man before them was a wall-length cel set<br/>which was done in full-size, such as if the character were real, then this would have been the way he looked like, from the color of his hair to his height.  The drawing before them was of a twenty-five-year-old man whose eyes were closed with the violin under his chin as he played music on it.<br/><br/>“That can be arranged.”  Yuuko leaned forward while changing her position to folding both of her hands on top of one another while balancing her chin on the them and her elbows on her left leg and knee. “But tell me, why is it this that you want?”<br/>“Because I believe he’s perfect,” the young woman answered with her smile trying not to break into that of a desperate grin. “Perfect in my eyes.”<br/><br/>Yuuko’s eyes became a bit smaller as her expression changed to one of utter seriousness.  Her friendly smile became a thin line. “Just because something appears perfect in your eyes, does that automatically mean that it should be yours?”<br/>“No, I didn’t mean it that way.”<br/>“Then what is it you’re really trying to get at?  Just because you prefer something doesn’t mean that it particularly suits you.”  Yuuko undid her hands and took a sip of her tea. “It sounds odd, but it’s true.”<br/>“I understand that, but-“<br/>“Why do you want something packaged like that?  Have you really thought this through?”<br/>Without a blink of an eye, the young woman replied, “We can make this work.  I know the both of us can.”<br/><br/>Yuuko gulped more of her tea as the gaze of her eyes touched the carpeted floor briefly.  It wasn’t that the young woman couldn’t understand her, it was because she refused to.  Her heart wouldn’t accept whatever it was trying to fight against.  And it was coming out in a wish to have some anime bishounen.<br/><br/>This wasn’t absurd at all.  She had worse wishes than this…<br/>Much more selfish “wishes”…<br/><br/>“Will you take care of this person?  How will you do that?”  Yuuko looked up and gave a final question above all the ones that were running through her head.<br/>“You guys are from different worlds and just because he may come here, that doesn’t mean he’ll like it here.  Can you deal with all that?”<br/>The girl, desperate for the miracle that she couldn’t grant herself, nodded. “Yes, I will.”<br/><br/>“And what are you willing to give me for this?”  Yuuko’s eyes wandered about the room searching and searching.<br/>It was a strong wish and a very heavy one at that.  She knew that the young woman had thought about it for a long time and even though it seemed silly, it was the one thing the young girl couldn’t control about her life:  Her heart.<br/><br/>And it wasn’t that other humans weren’t similar.  In this respect, no matter who and whatever the circumstances, everyone was the same in this aspect.<br/><br/>Watanuki tried to understand the depth of their conversation, but since he didn’t know the details, he was a bit lost.  But in a bizarre way, the girl was admirable, if not a little blind in her decision for that one wish.<br/>If only he too could be as determined when he faced Yuuko while-<br/><br/>“I’ll be taking the bear,” Yuuko announced while pointing her painted index finger to a cute, plushy bear that was 1.5 feet tall.  It sat in one of the two seats of the girl’s dining table.  It held a smile on its face, but its golden-brown color had somehow faded into a lighter shade.  The tall, yet adorable bear looked so well loved, as if it had been hugged so much.<br/><br/>The girl knew there was a price to pay and she thought of it for a long time.  In fact, it had taken her a whole year to make this decision.  She even had a whole range and set of reasons as to why she chose a certain article to be given up.  But when she opened her eyes a little wide in shock with Yuuko’s words penetrating into her heart like an icicle, she almost lost her breath. Kise could barely say, “You want the bear?”<br/><br/>“Yes.”<br/><br/>The bear was an accidental acquisition by the boy who broke her heart without his knowledge.  He had given it to her as an extra for something that he was promoting.  Since they were friends, he’d asked if she wanted one.  Of course, she answered that she did.  <br/>Even though she was not really one for stuffed animals, she took it anyway.  Even if it wasn’t meant to be given to her with any hidden meanings, she had treasured that thing.  It was all she had of him.<br/>She didn’t even have a picture, only the one in her mind.  And even that was fading away with time.<br/>When she’d told him how much she loved him, he smiled at her and didn’t get the situation at all.  He thought she had said it to express how much she appreciated their friendship.  He didn’t know it meant more.<br/>Even if it was almost five years since that incident in the college dorms, the love she had for this person only grew stronger and stronger.  She saw less and less of him to the point of losing contact with him almost all together, but every time she said she accepted it, the boy would appear out of nowhere and greet her in order to see how she was doing.<br/><br/>Her love grew deeper.<br/><br/>She knew it would never happen.  He would never return her feelings.  The boy had made it clear in everything he did and said.  It was final when Kise saw his new girlfriend.  And it was only then, four years later, she realized that it wasn’t because she wasn’t cute or not intelligent enough for him, he just wasn’t attracted to her in that way.  He loved her as his friend and treated her like a little sister.<br/><br/>But she refused to let go.<br/><br/>Kise thought it would be her collection of her favorite anime series, for she had loved it more than anything in the world.  Well, just as much as that bear.<br/><br/>“I…” the girl started to say as she walked over to the drawing with Yuuko going over to the dining table to collect her fee.  Watanuki stayed put, glancing at both of them.<br/>The girl touched the outlines of the drawing with her fingers and finally said, “I can’t.”<br/><br/>As Yuuko was about to grab hold of the bear’s soft hand, she took her hand back.  With her back facing the both of them, she smiled in relief.  Then, her deadpan face came back to her as she turned around to face them.<br/>The girl looked at her with tears in her eyes. “I can’t let you have that.”<br/><br/>Even if he had broken her heart, she would do it all over again for that smile he gave her.  That was what that anime character reminded her of.  That’s why she wanted that.<br/><br/>She wanted him to smile at her that way.<br/><br/>“Then, I cannot help you.”  Motioning to Watanuki on the couch, she then commanded, “Let’s go.”<br/><br/>Without looking back, they left the girl and the building behind.<br/><br/>While heading back, Watanuki walked beside Yuuko and gave her a bemused look.<br/><br/>Seeing this, Yuuko grinned and asked while her profile faced Watanuki, “Watanuki, have you ever loved someone so much that you would do anything for them?”<br/><br/>His eyes looked up to the sky, and he was trying so hard not to blush or anything.  When he was about to open his mouth, Yuuko didn’t let him reply.<br/><br/>“If you can love that unconditionally, then that is the abundance of love that Kise had for a boy she couldn’t have.”  She patted Watanuki’s hair and then took her hand away just as quickly, wanting not to let the warm, gentle feeling settle inside of her like a memory forming itself.  “It’s like that anime character she asked to come to life.  Because she could no longer control her emotions, her pain, and that part of her life, she needed something to mold.  And it would have been that character, if it had come to life.<br/>“But in the end, the character wouldn’t have been what she wanted at all because they didn’t grow together.  She would be controlling him, just someone who would have personified her own weaknesses.”<br/><br/>“So that’s what you meant when you said that what you prefer doesn’t always particularly suit you.”<br/><br/>Yuuko then joked, “I wish I had that bear.  It looked really good to hug.”<br/><br/>Watanuki slapped his palm on his head and sighed.  “Yuuko-san…”<br/><br/>At that moment, she smirked while stopping.  He gave her a funny look, but then, she wrapped her arms around him.  He froze as she laughed when she let go of him.<br/>“Hey~!” he shouted at her while she loved the flustered expression on his face whenever he looked at her that way.<br/><br/>When they were further along, and the sky was turning into a dark blue hue, Watanuki asked, “Then, what exactly was she asking for? We went all the way there for her to realize that she didn’t need a wish?”<br/><br/>“Watanuki…” Yuuko watched the stars that began to twinkle in the sky as another spring day was coming to an end. “I don’t really grant anything.  You see, the strength of your will is what I manipulate:  Your desire and want for that wish to absolutely come true.  <br/><br/>That’s why not all dreams come true.  A half-hearted attempt on anything leads to failure.<br/><br/>These days, humans in all their ‘convenience’ from time to transportation, even at the cost of people’s lives, have forgotten that you can never get the maximum while paying so little.  It cheapens you in all ways.  <br/><br/>And it’s sad that the word happiness is used so lightly, with its meaning diminishing with every passing day as long as people refuse to comprehend its true nature.<br/><br/>True happiness is nonexistent in this world.  ‘Happiness’, in reality, causes unhappiness for another.”<br/><br/>She glanced at Watanuki, but didn’t change the expression of her determined, yet playful face, unable to let go of the confident mask she tried to always push with all her being.<br/><br/>Watanuki now looked down to the ground and thought about all this. “So, she wanted love?  Even if it was an illusionary love?”<br/><br/>“No, it wasn’t that she wanted something illusionary.  Just because someone tells you that you shouldn’t love them a certain way, does that mean that you don’t?  If they are with another person, does that automatically mean that you can’t be with them?<br/>She was just confused if the boy was worth fighting for.  If she had done the right thing all this time.  And she found her answer today. That his happiness was hers.”<br/><br/>Yuuko’s eyes looked a little forlorn as she squinted to stare at a star that was trying its hardest to outshine the others around it. <br/>“I’ve been doing this for a long time and I’ve seen so many things.  But a wish for love…that’s still something that I know I can’t give and yet many people ask.  Ironically, it’s the hardest thing for me to listen to and to ‘grant’.”<br/><br/>Then, at that moment, she took up his chin into her hand and looked deeply into his eyes.  She gave him a bittersweet smile as he held his breath when she touched him.  Yuuko whispered, “The fee is immeasurable, Watanuki.”<br/><br/><br/><strong>Owari. / The End.<br/></strong></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It took me a whole day to think of a single idea for this fic.  I had two other ideas besides this one, but this one popped into my head when I started write the fic: “What is something several people can relate to, humorous yet seriously?”  And this was the single thing that came to me:  A bishounen.  It seems like a shallow idea, on the surface, but as I really thought about it, I thought that this could work.  Could, if I typed it ‘okay’. *crosses fingers *<br/>I just find it funny that as I go about writing fics, I keep on making up my own words.  Well, it’s not like I don’t make up my own sounds or words when talking to my friends. ^^;;;  I am a weirdo.<br/>Anyways, I loved making this fic, but it was difficult for me to write because this is still a new series and I’ve not read too much of the manga.  Trying to give a good plot, keeping Watanuki adorable, and keeping Yuuko sexy was hard enough.  So, I’m hoping that the feel and the characterizations were done well.  But it was really fun because it was so challenging. </p><p>Translations:<br/>Kiseki - miracle<br/>Kisetsu - season(s)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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